I didn’t know it was going to be this hard, am I right?!

Parenting is one of the most rewarding and challenging roles you’ll ever have. Whether you’re raising young children, navigating the teen years, or supporting an adult child, one truth remains the same: children grow the most when they see the adults around them growing too.

To be honest, this is something that we all, as parents, can forget in the middle of overwhelming situations with our kids. We become so focused on the child who is not behaving that we lose sight of what is happening in our own nervous system. A dysregulated parent cannot regulate a dysregulated child effectively. I am passionate about empowering parents with the knowledge and practical skills to support both their own dysregulation and their children's dysregulation. I believe that when you model healthy coping, self-care, and emotional awareness, you teach your children that these skills matter throughout life. By helping parents better understand child development, attachment, the nervous system, and emotional regulation, it creates a stronger foundation for understanding and supporting your child or teen. It will also have an impact on the entire family system because when one factor changes in a system, other parts of that system also change.

I know that I may be making this sound simple, but we all know that this is difficult work that takes a lot of effort, discipline, and consistency.

One concept I often share with parents is this: if you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, (insert feeling word here), due to something your child has done, and you find yourself shouting, yelling, ignoring, etc., this is a sign that your nervous system is dysregulated. Now, expecting your child to remain calm and in control while you are not is an unrealistic expectation, even if your frustration is justified. Children, and especially teens, are good at noticing contradictions or hypocrisy when a parent expects them to regulate while not holding themselves to the same standard. And I'm sorry to tell you that, "I can yell because I'm the parent," isn't a sentiment that is going to grow your relationship with your child or encourage deeper connection and respect.

The child and adolescent brain (and even the brains of young adults into their mid-to-late 20s), especially regarding emotional awareness, impulse control, planning, and decision-making, naturally has a more difficult time regulating than the adult brain. But when children have parents who model healthy regulation and create consistent boundaries, they learn and internalize those skills for themselves.

The point is that rather than focusing only on changing your child’s behavior, we’ll work together to increase your awareness of your own triggers and strengthen your regulation and communication skills. From there, we'll apply those same principles to understanding your child's triggers and finding ways to better regulate, communicate and set boundaries with them.